there is hope !!
FAQ by people supporting an alcoholic
This page is structured according to the different phases of the disease. It is populated as real requests are received.
Ask him to use any of the assessment instruments on this site when he is sober. They are mostly structured in such a way that they measure behaviour. If the person is in denial one can confront him by requesting to demonstrate behaviour that will "pass" the criteria in the assessment.
I am the wife of a recovering alcoholic. He has stopped drinking 6 months now after he had the implants. My problem is that I cannot seem to reach him. His whole personality and behaviour has changed. We were apart for a year after I could not stand the drinking anymore. We have since reunited, but things seem to be worse now than before. He has this notion that since he stopped drinking he has nothing to feel guilty about anymore and so he does not have to say sorry for anything he does now. He is always moody and judgmental about everything we do and say. His once loving nature has changed to a frustrated unloving person, not to mention that we are not intimate anymore (he blames this on the implants). I have asked him more than once what it is that is frustrating him so much, and he keeps saying that we don't listen to him, but when I want to talk he shuts me up saying I don't know how he feels. The other night the minister of our church came to visit and asked him if he would assist one of the congregation members having an alcohol problem now that he is recovering and he said to the minister that he does not know if he is a recovered alcoholic that he will have to determine once the implants have worked out. So you see I don't know what he feels or what he wants and I cannot help him if he does not speak to me or put his trust in me. I am at my wits end . Please help me as I really want to understand his situation and get our relationship back on track.
Many people see the
solution for an alcoholism situation as the drinker being sober. However, an
absence of a problem does not equal a solution. You are now confronted with a
mixture of the deeper lying causes of alcoholism as well as the physical and
psychological after effects of his alcoholism.
Effects of Disulphiram
Disulphiram is the active
ingredient in medicines that make the use of alcohol very unpleasant.
Besides severe physical
effects, one of the psychological effects is a general feeling of fear. This
leaves the person feeling insecure and having a lack of perseverance.
DEEPER LYING CAUSES OF ALCOHOLISM
In many cases alcoholism
has deeper lying causes that do not disappear once the drinker is sober. The
following are long term issues with and without alcohol. They are discussed in
detail at causes of alcoholism.
Longer Term Success
There is a physical, psychological and social element to longer term success. For long term success the following is necessary once a drinker is sober:
Specific recommendations for your circumstances
You requested to be helped
in order to understand. I trust that the above will help you to understand the
complexity of the situation and how deep rooted some of the issues are.
The crux of the matter is
that your husband is going through a period of a lack of self-confidence and a
lack of perseverance. He now faces the responsibility of engaging society again
and is probably scared.
In reality your requirement
may be wider than understanding only. If so please indicate it as such as well
as whether you can afford additional support etc.
Your husband’s remark
that he does not know whether he is dry or not before the implant has worked
out, may be a red light. He may be structuring his situation for himself that he
has been forced by circumstances to accept the implant/stop drinking and
therefore does not need to maintain being dry.
Some practical suggestions:
Last updated 18 April 2007
Back to index. Disclaimer: Although reasonable effort has been applied to maintain the integrity of the data and advice on this site, no responsibility can be accepted for the use thereof. It is a resource guide for understanding and managing alcoholism. The information on this site is provided "as is" for general information and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment recommendation of a qualified health care professional. Enquiries regarding this web site should be directed to firstname.lastname@example.org